Feb 11, 2007

Oh, hello!

We must be pretty close friends, which must be why I'm on the gigantic cc: list of the e-mail you just sent me regarding... let's see, what is it today?

Bill Gates is giving away $1000? To me? Why, this is the first I've heard of THAT!
Is my cell phone number about to be deleted from the Do-Not-Call list in 11 days without my permission? Holy Crap! Can they DO that?!
I need to be kept aware of someone planting an AIDS-infected needle in the back seat of the next taxi I take.
Thank you so much for thinking of me! We can't let the terrorists win!

Moreover I thank you, dear net buddy, for making sure that my name and e-mail appear alongside all those of all the other people on the list I don't know. Let's all be friends! That's what the internet is about, right? I hope each of them will "Reply All" when they congratulate you on your heads-up attitude!

Lastly, I'm sorry for replying to you suggesting that maybe you should check your facts before you send stuff out to a million of your close buddies. I understand that these kinds of messages are meant to be FRIENDLY WARNINGS that have REALLY WORKED for A LOT of your other friends. I shouldn't be so ungrateful to you and I should certainly understand that while you SHOULD be able to send me spam hoax messages I didn't ask for, I have NO RIGHT to reply with anything less friendly than this:

"THX! I totally DID NOT know this! I'm DEFIN8LY gonna pass this along to EVERY1 I know!!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxotla cul8r!!!"

After all, you can't be expected to worry about contributing to the useless and impersonal drivel that clogs up the internet - you hardly ever even use the internet! Why would you?! It's such a scary place, with all those online predators and viruses and fonts and identity thefts and iPod offers. You really should send another letter to your AOL tech support and let them know about all these terrible things going on in the world of the wide web.

Better yet, just keep sending me all of those warnings with your plea to "pass it along".
I don't mind. I don't use the internet for work or anything. In fact, I hear most people don't.

1 comment:

Christopher said...

Well, I've been guilty of falling for some of these a time or two myself, so I really try not to take it personally.

At any rate it's comforting to know people care enough about you to try to look out for your welfare, even if it's only in the form of an annoying warning email you've seen a hundred times already.