Dear jerkwad

You are a jerk for stealing my bass guitar and gear out of my car last night.

I was lazy and too tired to lug it up the stairs, so I left it in the trunk overnight, true.  Silly me for thinking you wouldn't think to look there.  Mea culpa.

Nice touch leaving our copy of "Too drunk to F***" neatly on the passenger seat.  Funny.  
You're a regular comedian.  

Also, I noticed our empty Altoids tin on the sidewalk, and while I appreciate your "cleaning" instinct, you could have also taken care of all the empty Vitamin Water bottles as well.  What gives?

Anyway, thanks again for being a total jack-off and reminding us that poor artists still deserve to get their gear stolen from their own car in their own neighborhood. 

Enjoy that meth.