May 15, 2008

Some Changes

Re: your Lexicon of Current Acceptable Pop Culture Slang, category 12d, terms of derision/excitement/adoration/food/geography/cats/human anatomy/music/movies/popular first-time novelists/the Internet/sharks, please note the following updates for the 2008 spring session:
  • Both douchebag and the shortened d-bag are replaced with "a-hole." You may still use the douchebag hybrid beta test, "deeb."
  • Similarly, and as a protective measure, awesome will be shortened and made slightly less easily-accessible by converting to "a-some."
  • Used in its adjectival form, "fucking" is replaced with the lighter, more portable "effing". Its verb usage is unassailable and remains unchanged. 
  • When absolutely necessary, nachos and vacation may be shortened to "'chos" and "vacay", respectively.  
  • "Resto" is not an acceptable substitute for restaurant, since no one ever says "resto" under any circumstances whatsoever because it is stupid and pretentious. 
  • Using "va-jay-jay" when referring to the vagina has been retroactively banned universally forever, especially in print. Because what are you, 19?
  • New York City may only be referred to as "NYC" in print or in the context of the musical "Annie."
  • When someone remarks, "I don't care anymore", any reference to Phil Collins should be avoided thereafter. The same rules apply to all other Phil Collins songs that contain lyrics.
  • "Your mom" has been temporarily replaced with "YOU are" as the default answer to any question, regardless of subject, tense or context.
  • While private enjoyment of LOLcats is always encouraged, public conversation regarding them is no longer appropriate. 
  • Any phrase that appears in a t-shirt advertisement on MySpace has obviously jumped the shark and will no longer be tolerated.
  • "Jump the shark" may only be used if the speaker can accurately track its origin. 
  • Chuck Norris was pretty good in The Delta Force and the Missing in Action movies. That's about as far as it goes with him.
  • The phrase "Succotash my Balzac, Dipshiitake" is now hilarious again.
More updates as they happen.
That is all.

Sources: Dave J., Ida S., Harper, JSF, The STFU Institute


flamingbanjo said...

Looking forward to ignoring the new batch of updates when you post them. Happy 2008!

the beige one said...

Great, now you tell me. Sussudio, effer!