May 15, 2008

Some Changes

Re: your Lexicon of Current Acceptable Pop Culture Slang, category 12d, terms of derision/excitement/adoration/food/geography/cats/human anatomy/music/movies/popular first-time novelists/the Internet/sharks, please note the following updates for the 2008 spring session:
  • Both douchebag and the shortened d-bag are replaced with "a-hole." You may still use the douchebag hybrid beta test, "deeb."
  • Similarly, and as a protective measure, awesome will be shortened and made slightly less easily-accessible by converting to "a-some."
  • Used in its adjectival form, "fucking" is replaced with the lighter, more portable "effing". Its verb usage is unassailable and remains unchanged. 
  • When absolutely necessary, nachos and vacation may be shortened to "'chos" and "vacay", respectively.  
  • "Resto" is not an acceptable substitute for restaurant, since no one ever says "resto" under any circumstances whatsoever because it is stupid and pretentious. 
  • Using "va-jay-jay" when referring to the vagina has been retroactively banned universally forever, especially in print. Because what are you, 19?
  • New York City may only be referred to as "NYC" in print or in the context of the musical "Annie."
  • When someone remarks, "I don't care anymore", any reference to Phil Collins should be avoided thereafter. The same rules apply to all other Phil Collins songs that contain lyrics.
  • "Your mom" has been temporarily replaced with "YOU are" as the default answer to any question, regardless of subject, tense or context.
  • While private enjoyment of LOLcats is always encouraged, public conversation regarding them is no longer appropriate. 
  • Any phrase that appears in a t-shirt advertisement on MySpace has obviously jumped the shark and will no longer be tolerated.
  • "Jump the shark" may only be used if the speaker can accurately track its origin. 
  • Chuck Norris was pretty good in The Delta Force and the Missing in Action movies. That's about as far as it goes with him.
  • The phrase "Succotash my Balzac, Dipshiitake" is now hilarious again.
More updates as they happen.
That is all.


Sources: Dave J., Ida S., Harper, JSF, The STFU Institute

2 comments:

flamingbanjo said...

Looking forward to ignoring the new batch of updates when you post them. Happy 2008!

the beige one said...

Great, now you tell me. Sussudio, effer!