- Both douchebag and the shortened d-bag are replaced with "a-hole." You may still use the douchebag hybrid beta test, "deeb."
- Similarly, and as a protective measure, awesome will be shortened and made slightly less easily-accessible by converting to "a-some."
- Used in its adjectival form, "fucking" is replaced with the lighter, more portable "effing". Its verb usage is unassailable and remains unchanged.
- When absolutely necessary, nachos and vacation may be shortened to "'chos" and "vacay", respectively.
- "Resto" is not an acceptable substitute for restaurant, since no one ever says "resto" under any circumstances whatsoever because it is stupid and pretentious.
- Using "va-jay-jay" when referring to the vagina has been retroactively banned universally forever, especially in print. Because what are you, 19?
- New York City may only be referred to as "NYC" in print or in the context of the musical "Annie."
- When someone remarks, "I don't care anymore", any reference to Phil Collins should be avoided thereafter. The same rules apply to all other Phil Collins songs that contain lyrics.
- "Your mom" has been temporarily replaced with "YOU are" as the default answer to any question, regardless of subject, tense or context.
- While private enjoyment of LOLcats is always encouraged, public conversation regarding them is no longer appropriate.
- Any phrase that appears in a t-shirt advertisement on MySpace has obviously jumped the shark and will no longer be tolerated.
- "Jump the shark" may only be used if the speaker can accurately track its origin.
- Chuck Norris was pretty good in The Delta Force and the Missing in Action movies. That's about as far as it goes with him.
- The phrase "Succotash my Balzac, Dipshiitake" is now hilarious again.
More updates as they happen.
That is all.
Sources: Dave J., Ida S., Harper, JSF, The STFU Institute