Syntax update

The following are terms and expressions I look forward to using and overusing in the weeks to come. When you see me next, I might only be interested in stringing these together somehow throughout our conversation. You have been warned.

•  "This... isn't over." - Used in personal-action-movie-style drama (spoken in a harsh whisper through clenched teeth)

•  "You'd better have a roommate because I don't know how you can live with yourself." -Used when imparting feelings of utter disgust in a friend or family member (it happens more than you think)

•  "I know where your mama parks your house." - Used when forced to insult a redneck

•  Deproblem (v): to fix or eliminate the problem. (ex. My wife asked me to deproblem our daughter's diaper situation) - Made-up office terminology. Can be used outside the office. 

Feel free to try these yourself, they are for public use. Just as long as you credit me or the TV shows I stole some of them from. 

I'll probably have moved on to new and better expressions by the time these get popular anyway. It's how tastemakers like me deproblem a boring life. 

It seems like only yesterday...

... that I was asked by a co-worker if I thought we'd ever see a woman president in our lifetime. I said yes, of course, or a black president, for that matter. 

Optimistic but reasonable, I thought. Probably not before 2012, though. I mean, let's be realistic, this country needs a backboard and a neck brace before it can be moved. 

Right?

Well, here we are at the primaries and it's going to happen. HRC or The Big O - one or the other is moving in and Whitey The Man is literally getting his walking papers. This is the year we see it happen. 

(Potential Fallout: Punk rock ceases to be relevant. Maybe?)

If that doesn't get you worked up in some way, check your pulse. 

You might be dead.

Or Canadian.

These R not the droids UR looking for.

U don need 2 see teh paperz.