Mar 21, 2007

Profiles in Public Service: The Federal Trade Commission

You know what I say to all those hippies out there who trash their own government?
Check out the FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION, you stinking' hippies! Go back to aviation repair college and quit begging for me to put my size ten-and-a-halfs up your Jefferson's Airplane.
Now listen, this under-appreciated government agency just wants to help you. They're not trying to "drag you down", they don't want to "harsh your vibe" or make you "part of the machine". The good men and women at the Federal Trade Commission have dutifully put together this unbelievably helpful and comprehensive website to help you keep on the sunny side and flying through clear skies.
Why would they do something like this for a stupid, ungrateful hippie like me, you ask? Check it out: It's their JOB. Speaking of which, try getting one, long-hair. You'll earn money to buy reefer or drive to Burning Man or whatever the hell else you blow your trust fund on.

Okay back to the FTC.
Did I mention that they're just trying to make your miserable lives a little more manageable! Why can't you simply see that?!

Tired of paying for your credit reports?

An easy way onto the glorious National Do-Not-Call List?

Can't stand spam?

Losing sleep over identity theft? Don't worry, because

Tune in to this, degenerates: I know there's a lot of crap going on with our country these days. The Man is still trying to keep the leaf off the streets and our young folks on the front lines. In the words of The Godfather of Soul, we're all just trying to get over before we go under. I can dig it.
All the same, sometimes it helps to know that there are still people out there who care about the little guy. And those people work at the UNITED STATES FEDERAL TRADE COMMISSION.

Good night and good luck.

Mar 12, 2007

Brad Delp 1951-2007

Everyone knows that I'm a shameless classic rock devotee. I love it for its actual irony (the literary, clever, lyrical kind, not the kind that fuels an apathetic and artless lifestyle), its take on Lemons, American Bands and Highway Stars and of course, its killer riffs. I've gotten used to that look when people discover this about me: the look that waits for the punchline or some ironic jab at hippies then slowly fades into something resembling a mix of confusion and pity.

But here's the truth:
My first album was Van Halen II - thanks mom & dad!
I was introduced to the finer points of notebook art copying the logos of Rush, Def Leppard and The Grateful Dead
The first song I learned on bass guitar was Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Gimmie Three Steps"

And my first concert was Boston.
It was the 6th or 7th of their nine sold-out dates at the Worcester ("Woostah") Centrum supporting their much-anticipated "Third Stage" album. I remember not much caring for the hit ballad "Amanda", but the rest of the record pretty much blew my mind. The show was no less amazing. Hometown boys back in the game after 10 years, crazed and sweaty fans screaming along gleefully, my young ears getting their first dose of concert deafness. I literally bought the t-shirt.

Brad Delp seemed like a nice guy, in the general scope of Nice Guys of Rock, no doubt a club with few members. He was born in Massachusetts and died in New Hampshire, a 40 minute drive, round trip. Everyone seemed to like him, he had one of the most improbably high and clear voices in music (Geddy Lee who?) and he had a pretty killer 'stache. In the end, can a man ask for anything better?
You could say he just closed his eyes and slipped away, but I like to think that he finally hitched a ride on that huge rocket-guitar spaceship and didn't look back.

Mar 9, 2007

There is NOTHING funny about chauvanism

I forgot to blog against sexism yesterday. Thanks to ECB for the reminder. She's a kicky little dish, that one.

Mar 7, 2007

Al Gore Angry! Al Gore Smash!

I can come back if this isn't a good time, Mr. Vice President...

(photo shamelessly ripped off The Slog)