Area man finds physical copy of Onion

"It's easy when you don't have to type in the 'dot com' part."

Let the iMocking commence

After buying one of these for Ida (you know, just because), I requested and was given one for my birthday.

I admit: 

1. Holy crap. It totally rules, and 
2. I am a gadget whore. There, I said it.
   

I'd also like to formally apologize to all those iPhone owners I mocked for their geekishness. 

  

I now humbly submit to the taunting slings and arrows of both of this blog's readers.

Le Geek, C'est Moi. 

Syntax update

The following are terms and expressions I look forward to using and overusing in the weeks to come. When you see me next, I might only be interested in stringing these together somehow throughout our conversation. You have been warned.

•  "This... isn't over." - Used in personal-action-movie-style drama (spoken in a harsh whisper through clenched teeth)

•  "You'd better have a roommate because I don't know how you can live with yourself." -Used when imparting feelings of utter disgust in a friend or family member (it happens more than you think)

•  "I know where your mama parks your house." - Used when forced to insult a redneck

•  Deproblem (v): to fix or eliminate the problem. (ex. My wife asked me to deproblem our daughter's diaper situation) - Made-up office terminology. Can be used outside the office. 

Feel free to try these yourself, they are for public use. Just as long as you credit me or the TV shows I stole some of them from. 

I'll probably have moved on to new and better expressions by the time these get popular anyway. It's how tastemakers like me deproblem a boring life. 

It seems like only yesterday...

... that I was asked by a co-worker if I thought we'd ever see a woman president in our lifetime. I said yes, of course, or a black president, for that matter. 

Optimistic but reasonable, I thought. Probably not before 2012, though. I mean, let's be realistic, this country needs a backboard and a neck brace before it can be moved. 

Right?

Well, here we are at the primaries and it's going to happen. HRC or The Big O - one or the other is moving in and Whitey The Man is literally getting his walking papers. This is the year we see it happen. 

(Potential Fallout: Punk rock ceases to be relevant. Maybe?)

If that doesn't get you worked up in some way, check your pulse. 

You might be dead.

Or Canadian.